Lockdown 2.0

Well what a way to start November, with news of another national lockdown, will this one actually only last 4 weeks or will it be until January?! Who knows!

Thought I’d just come and do a little life update, I’m back at work and have been since July, I’m really really enjoying being back! I am having the flare up from hell, I’m experiencing a lot of the same symptoms I have before but they feel a lot worse than they usually do.

This flare up I swear is trying to kill me off, the worst part of it this time is that my right hip is subluxing every time I move, even if it’s just a hint of movement my hip joint is checking out on holiday like seeeee ya! It’s so painful that at least once a day it’s making me cry from the pain, I’ve now ordered a hip brace and I have no idea if it’s going to work but at this point I will try anything, I will also be ringing my doctors tomorrow to see if they can offer any support!

I’m really struggling with an overwhelming sense of loneliness, no matter how many people message me, check in with me, how many people I see I just can’t get the lonely feeling to leave! It’s so bizarre and silly that I feel this way with such a big support network! My fatigue, insomnia and brain fog are also absolutely awful, im exhausted constantly but can’t sleep when I should be, and I have to write everything down on my phone as reminders because I will think of something and it goes from my brain a second later.

I’m having to adapt my life again to fit in with these flare symptoms, I have to sit down to cook, sit down to shower. I shuffle when I walk now because if I lift my right leg off the floor my hip will definitely pop out, I make old lady noises when I sit down, when I move! I swear all I need is a zimmerframe a bus pass and a perm and I’m ready to retire early!

I am also eating anything and everything in sight that is either sweet or a carb or both (great I’m gonna get fat and no I’m not pregnant) fibromyalgia unfortunately comes with pregnancy style cravings but for alll the bad food and at this point I’m letting my body win for a while because otherwise I will honestly just be a crying mess 24/7!

Honestly I just want to say that if anyone else is struggling at the moment but if you’re still getting up and getting dressed then I’m damn proud of you! If you only get dressed and out of bed that is a bloody big victory in my eyes, keep going keep doing you!

For anyone that has to deal with someone like me on a daily basis, thank you! You have no idea how much it means to us to have a support network, to have someone to walk with us while we shuffle, to have someone help us off and on the toilet (oh the joys of being 23 and chronically ill). Just thank you!

I’m putting it out there, if there is anyone that reads this who is struggling that doesn’t have a support network, I am here! I may not reply straight away, I may be weird and ill but I’m here!

Signing off for now

Scarlett x

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