Cue everyone getting that song stuck in their heads…sorry guys!
I hope you’re all doing well and are beginning to feel like 99% ready for Christmas festivities! This is my favourite time of year even if it does play havoc with my joints.
So I have now been and my job for a whole year and also been clinically depressed for a while year, you can choose which of those is a bigger feat to celebrate…only kidding of course the job is the better one (unless you are secretly someone that wants to watch the world slowly burn in which case the depression is cause for celebration). I really shouldn’t joke about it, it’s serious and it affects my daily life but if I didn’t make these jokes I’d sit and wallow in a pile of cake and praying for the ground to swallow me up and never return me to humanity.
My job has quite honestly changed the outcome of this year, if you had told me this time last year that things could get better I would have told you to politely piss off unless you had a crystal ball and could 100% promise me that I would get better. I am supported every single day that I go into work and even on the days I’m too sick to go I have continuous support and that’s all I could ever ask for.
2017 for me has been a year of mostly lows but oh so many highs, being surprised with a trip to Brighton for my birthday was the best way to start my year.
I have had my lowest points this year with the 9 hospital visits (if it was 12 I would have redone the 12 days of Christmas song), I cannot thank my family and Ross enough for all their support over the past 6+ months. They have been by my side and done anything and everything to make it easier for me. To be honest I am really proud of myself because I have not once cried or showed my weak side in hospital and that’s something I used to struggle with, I have remained as strong as I possibly can. I don’t know whether I did that for myself or for my family, probably a little bit of both (Ross doesn’t count in this because I’ve cried about it so much in front of him I’ve been a dribbly snotty mess more times than I count).
I have had some of the most amazing experiences of my life this year as well. Brighton was the first time I have walked that much and not been grumpy or close to tears, I had such a good time that I felt like a “normal” human and that my disabilities didn’t have to hold me back and I cannot have asked for anything more. I met someone I idolise as well and have done for a very time, just because he remains to be a lovely person and my sister was the reason for me having such an incredible opportunity.
I think the past year has taught me a lot, that yes okay I am disabled but I am not my disabilities, I will not and never will let someone tell me that I am “Scarlett the disabled girl”. Yes okay I never thought I would have to label myself disabled and put it down on certain forms etc, however these are the cards I have been dealt and I will power through for as long as I can. My independence and my freedom is the biggest thing to me, being able to work and put all this for want of a better term “shower of shit” to the back of my mind is so important to my mental health and I am insistent that I will do everything I used to be able to do until I physically cannot.
So onwards and upwards for 2018 right? Well, I’m still not sorted with regards to my heart, I’m being investigated for having lupus and it’s going to be tricky and I’m ready to admit that, but with the support network I have around me I’m ready to smash through 2018 and take on anything my life throws at me.
I am so close to hitting 5000 views on my blogs and I cannot believe how far I have come, I am so proud of myself for putting these together and having the courage to post for the first time back in March, and thank you all for your continued support you guys are the reason I keep doing these. Also I have been published on website called feedpost I am currently 29th out of 50 fibromyalgia blogs from all over the world and with more following and more views I can get myself closer to the top and it’s thanks to you that I have been able to do this.
Here’s to 2018 and continuing to spread the word about invisible illnesses…please always remember no matter what illness, ailment or disability you may have YOU ARE NOT YOUR DISABILITY you are a human being with special qualities that make you who you are today!
Signing off for now (until the new year probably)
Merry Christmas and a happy new year