Chronic illness vs friendship

Hi everyone,

I hope you're doing well and hope those of you in the UK enjoyed the bank holiday weekend, I personally slept through most of it.

As a lot of you will know I went out for the first time since coming out of hospital for the 2nd time on Saturday night. It was one of Ross’ friends birthday (hey Nathan you get a special mention sorry that my cough ruined the meal atmosphere #queenwheezy) so we went out for a meal with all of ross’ friends. Due to my conditions playing up this is only the 3rd time I have met most of them which is really rubbish on my part as me and Ross have been together for a year, soz about that guys I'll try and make more effort in the future if you invite me to stuff that is!

For me socialising is the most horrific thing as I have sever anxiety and am constantly worried I look like a grumpy bitch (mainly due to pain) luckily Ross’ friends mostly read my blogs and are really understanding about the whole thing and I am so thankful for this!!

I've always found it really hard to make proper friends as everyone through school assumed that my limp was put on for attention and or just to get out of PE (guess what guys I'm officially disabled so middle fingers up to any of those who judged me). Safe to say I lost contact with near enough everyone from school.

Moving onto college everyone was so different to me all lovely girls but I'm weird and they weren't…I eventually found a small friendship group but due to my conditions and the fact we all live a little way away we never really met up after college in the end.

Work wise at my old job Leanne and Matt are the only people I still speak to, I kinda have to speak to Leanne seeing as she now works with me and I have to sit next to her….

Regardless of all of the above when I am at home I find it so hard to socialise when all I want to do is sleep and have time with Ross, I class Ross as my best friend as he is always here for me and will always have the time for me. Whereas in the past people have given up on me due to cancelling plans or not asking them how they are often enough.

So overall having a chronic illness will likely kill your social circle you will start getting left out of things and people will assume that you won't want to be invited to stuff because you don't usually go out. Whatever happens I want everyone to know that you are not alone, I am always happy to be an ear to listen.

I don't want anyone to have to feel as lonely and left out as I have felt in the past, I would value having one really close friend that I could spend time with and not have to worry about being judged if I just wanna hang out in my pjs and have a good old gossip….any offers are welcome fyi (must enjoy bridal shows, cats, pj junk food and movie days and weirdness)

Anyway I'm going to sign off for now, as per usual let me know what you think, comment, like and share. My Facebook and twitter are on my main page give those a follow!!

Signing off,

Scarlett x

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